you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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