At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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