So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
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