He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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