We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I'm bleeding and have questions
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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