He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
