You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
