what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
