I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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