dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
