u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
We just shotgunned beers for America
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
