your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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