What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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