Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
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