Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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