i just wanna soil my oats bro
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
