she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
