After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
