I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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