Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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