I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
