I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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