Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
