I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
