if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Well I just put wine in my tea
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
