I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
