That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Randomize
