Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(973): View more from New Jersey

How has he not realized you're pregnant?

(201): View more from New Jersey

Spanx.

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(925): View more from California

Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.

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(204): View more from Manitoba

He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.

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(913): View more from Kansas

You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?

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(503): View more from Oregon

Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.

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(714): View more from California

So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.

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(858): View more from California

I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it

(202): View more from Washington, DC

But dear lord is it worth it

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