That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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