I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
