your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
