He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
