Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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