Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
