Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
