I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
