hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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