just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
