i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
