Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
