I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
