She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize