so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
