Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
