wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
