But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
