I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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