lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Farmville is her only friend.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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