I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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