are you still at the devil's house?
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
