you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
