do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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