OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
