This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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