ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
