She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Randomize
