Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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