she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
