I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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