I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
