I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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