Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
