I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
did you just send me my own nude
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
