If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
