Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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