I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
