Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
