A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
