I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
